I’m afraid of being alone, having no pals, then, however it is maybe better than experiencing the friendship disloyality. It feels disrespectful to myself to let these guys to remain round me and fake friendship. It is mainly a type of a lie, a betrayal in friendship. As if I had been good only for validating their value (seen in the sexual attraction). If I don´t do it on a conscious stage, I might be slowly manipulated in it. If it does not work even now, then I will be thrown away (it actually leaves me with the sensation what did I do mistaken, and that this masculine half in me is obviously not good enough).
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